The Version of Me Everyone Else Recognised

You've earned the seat and built the trust, and what you want now is for the woman who's been doing all that work to be the one people meet when you walk in.

It was years ago now, and I still remember the morning I realised she wasn't.

I was getting dressed for a senior leadership offsite. Smart business casual, the invitation said, which tells you almost nothing. I rotated jacket after jacket, jeans after jeans, pulling shoes in and out of their boxes, trying to find the right mix of comfort and impact. Everything technically fit, but none of it felt right.

I went in the best of what I'd tried, and I felt uncomfortable for the entire day, like I was dressed up as someone everyone else recognised and I no longer did. No one at that offsite would have seen anything wrong. On paper I had the title, the team and their trust.

I'd become very good at fitting in by then, and it had worked for years. That's what made it so hard to see. The habit that drained me was the same one that had been rewarded, so nothing ever forced the question. If you've had a morning like that, you're in very good company.

If you've ever stood in front of a wardrobe full of things that fit and still felt like the wrong person was getting dressed, this week's Edit is for you. The jacket was never doing the work, and the looser dress codes get, the more that matters.

It's also where I start with every client now. Wanting your clothes to match the leader you've become is a fair thing to want. The decision underneath it is how you want to be experienced, and whose definition you're dressing for.

Read the full piece on Substack: https://sonyachoilarosa.substack.com/p/the-version-of-me-everyone-else-recognised